Here is my oar. In Boston Harbo[u]r.

Dear USA,

You must understand that most of my understanding of Tea Party politics comes from The Guardian and the BBC. The Guardian, I agree, is a rather woolly-liberal left-of-centre rag, but the BBC? Prides itself on making sure both sides think her reportage is biased.

The basic ‘idea’ behind the Tea Party Movement – outrage at the government bailing out the banks, resentment of ‘government interference’, being pro-free-markets – are all comprehensible, even reasonable (not that I agree with free markets, what with being a raging Communist European cheese-eating surrender-monkey [Mmmmm, havarti - Ed]). But then the Tea Party fields Mid-Term Election candidates like Christine O’Donnell [moron], Glenn Beck [media whore. Shouty media whore], Rand Paul [misogynist thug.] [STOP PRESS - oh good God they've elected the misogynist thug]. Dear, dear, beloved USA, what the fucking fuck?

And the whole ‘Obama is a Muslim (despite the fact he goes to a Christian Church regularly) and wasn’t even born in the USA’ thing (poor Hawaii. It may have only been a State since 1959 but it’s been part of USA territory since 1898). It looks call-for-the-men-in-white-coats insane this side of the Atlantic.

I assume Tea Partyers [Partyites? Partinis? Partaloons?] don’t give a flying-fercrying that We The Rest of the Planet think they’re insane. I assume, in fact, that giving a flying-fercrying would be seen as an act of weakness and the giver of the flying-etc. would be hunted down by an armed Sarah Palin in a helicopter. [Is this the one who thinks New Hampshire is in the great Northwest?]. So there’s nothing any of us this side of the Atlantic can say to the USA about politics that would have any kind of useful impact. [The Guardian (bless, the patronising eejits) even tried it in 2004 and the good denizens of Ohio were, unstartlingly, deeply unimpressed.]

And yet, dearest USA, best friend and closest ally and child of our loins, grown up so very tall and strong, whatever you do, whatever you decide, fucks directly with us Europeans. We’ve helped you fight your wars, we’ve bolstered your economy and bought your pretty computers. We eat, drink, love, breathe and shit your culture. When you rile up Differently Religious nations, they bomb us as well as you. When your economy tanks, it takes ours down with it. When you shout ‘jump!’ we all shout ‘how high?’ (and then argue about whether that’s too high or not high enough, admittedly, but at least we react). You are now, whether we commie bleeding-hearts like it or not, the Alpha of the Western pack. You are responsible for a great deal more than the shenanigans going on inside your own borders. Your shenanigans, no matter how much we protest, are our shenanigans too. Thanks for that, oh Globally Dominant ones. Any chance of electing some people who could point to us on a map?

This entry was posted in NaBloPoMo 2010, Politics. Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to Here is my oar. In Boston Harbo[u]r.

  1. SG V says:

    Utterly brilliant. Except for the havarti bit- could it be pecorino? ;)

    I read about Sharron *shudder* Angle’s campaigning where she actually had the audacity to claim, in writing, that (a.o.) England and Denmark had panels deciding the fate – treatment or no treatment, survive or go home and die (ish) – of ill people.

    (See an image of the offending bit: here at Danish newspaper Berlingske)

    I simmered over that and actually wrote to Sharron *shudder* Angle’s and asked for an apology to the Danish people, additionally asking if they lied on purpose or just couldn’t be bothered to check facts. Oh, and may have mentioned in passing that I wasn’t sure which alternative would be worst…

    And no, they haven’t answered.

  2. Reed says:

    I can’t answer for the Editor’s taste in cheese…

    Sharron Angle said WHAT? WHAT? Good Lord, no wonder the USA polloi regard European Socialism with ridiculous fear and loathing, if they are being outrageously lied to like that.

    *Fumes*

  3. Solnushka says:

    The Evening Standard (what? It was on my seat when I got the bus home after work) had an article which started off something like ‘Sarah Palin and other leading Republican representatives will begin the scramble for the nomination to challenge Barak Obama inthe next presidential election’. I can’t sear to the exact wording as I spent the rest of the journey home in a trance of horror at the thought of Sarah Palin being nominated… and winning.

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