A Christmas Swanee-Kazoo

It is, indeed, Christmas Eve. I have been watching A Christmas Carol (Patrick Stewart!) on the telly this evening, and to my increasing horror, weeping helplessly as it all got more and more sentimental and, by the time Tiny Tim died [Or, did not die. Or is going to would have died - Ed], downright revolting. I dare say the enormous gin and tonic I brought along to help jolly me through the dinner-cooking process was having much the larger say in the matter.

I daresay I have absolutely no business pontificating about Christmas, being a diamond-hard atheist of the Dawkins flavour (if, I do so very hope, somewhat better manners). But there has always been a Solstice festival of some sort, a time to eat up all the bacon before it goes off, kill any calves that we can’t afford to feed over the winter, coddle gramps a bit, because that cough is Not Reassuring; a time, around the arse-end of the year, to look up at the darkening sky, and hope, and pray, that next Solstice we will also have enough spare food to feast on, and beloved people to feast with.

All utterly meaningless to a woman who lives ten minutes walk from Waitrose, has organic smoked salmon in the fridge, and has voluntarily elected to stay the hell away from family until well after Boxing Day this time.

Nevertheless, there I was, sobbing pitifully at Dickens, at reconciliation and charity and dancing with your family after dinner.

You see, it has been a particularly bloody year chez Reed. You may have observed the general paucity of blogging, the ominous weeks-long silences, mentions of surgery, that sort of hintingness. In the grand scheme of things, it is as nothing, mere wisps of unpleasantness that will dissipate the second I cease to exist and/ or get over myself. Please don’t try to hold my hand, I’ll only start bawling again and embarrass the lot of us. My friends have been perfectly sweet (I keep thinking, one day I shall indeed have a big Dickensian Christmas, and have it solely for friends and familial honourable exceptions, and then I shan’t answer the telephone until March, so the dishonourable majority can’t say a word to me about it). My family have been a pain, bless them, even when they most earnestly did not mean to be, and really, it’s Christmas, and I should have been more charitable and spent it with them. As it is, S and I are spending tomorrow barricaded into our little flat, eating ourselves silly, preferably in pyjamas, and generally being bah-humbuggy little Scrooge-bags all by our selves.

And wondering if the three Spirits of Christmas are going to break in and give me hell for it.

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7 Responses to A Christmas Swanee-Kazoo

  1. azahar says:

    I’ll be watching the wonderful Alistair Sim film version of Dicken’s Christmas Carol sometime today … to be followed by Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels (the antidote for too much sentimental Christmassy stuff – last night it was Love Actually – like enough already!).

    I know it’s been one helluva year from you (I’ve been a lurkin’) and so I hope 2008 will be a refreshing change for the better. *hug*

    Merry Christmas!

  2. archie FCD says:

    I hope it is a good day for you – as an atheist I find I use the day as a family day. A chance to see just how the children have managed to get on with their lives and a chance to spoil the grandchildren. Hopefully the health problems will stay in 2007 and you can get on with the life you deserve in 2008.

  3. Aphra Behn says:

    Happy Holy Innocents day.


    That came out wrong, some how. Hmmm.

    I am so glad that you and S decided that family begins at home this year though.


  4. Teuchter says:

    If I can’t hold your hand, can I at least give you a hug – and all possible best wishes that 2008 proves a Very Good Year?

    Speaking of Swannee-Kazoo … did you hear either of the S,IHAC broadcasts? Ma and I were howling with laughter at the sheer silliness of the pantomime – and the “Best Of” prog was jolly good fun too.

  5. And a happy Solstice to you, Reed. I am slightly jealous of your being able to celebrate the holiday unencumbered by the “joy” of familial presence. Jim and I have resolved that next year NO MATTER WHAT we are going to be Somewhere Else and In Cognito for the holidays. I am sick of the stress, whining, delving up of old grievances, explosions, and histrionics that my “dear family” are able to get up to over the holidays.

    Of course, I can’t write about it on my blog because they read it.

  6. Care says:

    and Happy New Year! “Make it Great in 2008″

  7. You have much, much better manners than Dawkins, dear Reed!

    Patrick Stewart is a good Scrooge. I watched a musical (surprise, surprise) version with Kelsey “Frasier” Grammer and believe me, the level of sentiment in the Stewart version is as nothing compared with that. But tis the season to wallow in such things!

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